Planet Bullshit

2013 goal #2: see Meshuggah

Completed

2013 goals: #1: get a big raise

Status: Completed.

As frustrating as it is sometimes, being alone is almost certainly my destiny. I am insatiable, and I’ve yet to meet the person who can continuously stimulate my mind and body for more than a few weeks before I become complacent and long for the comfort of solitary confinement.

It’s for the better. For as much as I admire and appreciate females, I’m not so much a fan of their fickleness, for lack of a better word. I’m not quite a bull in a China shop, but it’s so hard for me to handle anything with kid gloves, feelings are bound to get hurt.

I don’t like your games, which I’m sure are unintentional but are nevertheless infuriating. Between incoherent, drunken rants and all of the subtle (and not so subtle) hints about your feelings for me, you’re never going to come on out with it and try to do anything about it. I can only give so much before I start feeling like I’m the only one giving while you just take my compliments, my attention, my alone time and my comfort for granted. Don’t fucking cry to me about boys and your loneliness and then leave my texts unanswered. Here’s a secret, and it applies to men around the world: to us, every other man in the world is an asshole when we are trying to earn your affection, so we don’t give a single fuck about what that other guy said to make you cry, we just want to make you realize that we are the one you want.

Keep crying. I’m almost done listening. I prefer results, fuck the process.

good mourning

I’m not talking about the Alkaline Trio record here (although that one is probably my favorite). I’m talking about literal good mourning. I’ve been going to a therapist for a few months now and this past week, she asked if maybe I hadn’t given myself enough time to grieve and recover from my most recent relationship. 

I probably haven’t. I’m not as patient as I’d like to be, even with myself. Perhaps I am a product of my surroundings (i.e: we can get almost anything we want within seconds for free with a few key strokes). We aren’t a patient society. But honestly, I just think I’m feeling my age and beginning to wonder if there’s really something wrong with me. I know I’m a good person, so what the fuck could possibly cause someone to suddenly fall out of love with me? It’s not like I haven’t been dumped before. I’ve just never been dumped for THAT reason. There’s always been something I could point to and say “yep, you fucked that one up.” But not this time. Then that part of me that doesn’t doubt a single thing I do steps in and reminds me that she’ll be the one missing out forever. And it sounds like an echo room in my head.

I just need to ease up. The bitterness is wearing me out. She can’t help how she feels, I guess. Someone had to get hurt. It stings a little more when the hurt is administered by the person you thought would take care of your heart and mind for the rest of your life. I can’t stay mad forever. I never hated her. I just don’t know how to look at her or hear about her without feeling betrayed. I’d like for that to change sooner than later.

All that being said, I’m now going to start mourning the loss of my wisdom teeth. I’ll be getting them cut out on Thursday. I’ve never had any kind of surgery, never been put to sleep, and I’ve never had a tooth pulled, let alone cut out of my face. I haven’t taken the time to research why they’re called wisdom teeth, but the corny jokester in me wants to say something about how I hope I’m not a fucking idiot after they’re taken out. I mean permanently. I know I’m gonna be a full blown ra-tard for a while after I wake up. I’m gonna stay high as fuuuuuuuuuuck all weekend. Shoo.